How to elicit help, get organized and set yourself up for success!

So you have a baby and everyone wants to come over – to look at you and hold your baby. When you have a newborn, you don’t need people to hold your newborn baby, at least not during the day. What you need those helpers to do is take care of your other kids, clean your house, cook for you and pitch in caring for your baby in the evening so that you can get some rest. If they want to hold your baby, they can come back two or three months later when you’ve recovered, started sleep training and are ready to get some shit done. Below you will find my top tips for eliciting help, organizing the people and doing the right things for yourself. If you don’t have family and friends that can help out, but you have the means, you can hire a postpartum doula to help take care of you and the baby (in some European countries this is considered regular postpartum care, so you can always just move there).

• Pick the busy bodies, the people that are all up in your business. This may seem off-putting when you are at the top of your game, but when you are down and out, trying to get through the day recovering from surgery and dealing with the dramatic hormone changes all while suffering from sleep deprivation, you need someone who will read everything you have prepared and try to follow it step by step, while inserting themselves when you can’t find the words or even think about how to tell someone how to help you.
• Take all the help you can get, but schedule it so that it doesn’t overwhelm you. After three c-sections and help that comes in many shapes and sizes, my advice is to have 1-2 people come stay with you for 1-2 weeks. Then schedule a break for yourself for a weekend or whichever days nobody must go to work. As helpful as they are, they are still guests in your space at the most intimate and vulnerable time in your life. YOU WILL NEED A BREAK. And after a couple of days or a week on your own, you will be ready and willing to welcome help back into your home.
• Tell the people what to do you know you will be all over social media looking for information to prepare yourself, reading books and getting your hands on everything. Gather this information into one document and send it off to those people in your life who are going to help you out. That busy body will read it, and your little sister you can force to read it (like I did).
• Plan things that are Physically Comforting I had my first two boys in the winter, and top of my list were cozy, extra soft PJs, sweaters and blankets. Also top of my list were heating pads (not to be used near incision sites) and goos supplies for a soothing bath time experience (start after your post partum check-in for c-section moms).
• Watch light-hearted, funny TV Your emotions will be all over the place in the weeks after birth, and you will likely be very sensitive to moods etc. I could not see blood and giuts on a screen without vomiting, so that sensitivity looks different for everyone. Create a play list on your favorite streaming service of sitcoms, comedies and light-hearted family movies and holiday shows that won’t tug on your heart strings.

A few of my favorite things…

The First 40 Days I found this book in my last pregnancy and loved it. Super approachable with basic guidelines for a diet that supports your childbirth recovery along with recipes (some quick and some more complicated). Many ingredients I was able to pick up at Costco in advance. I tabbed the recipes that looked appetizing to me at the time and my family helpers made them. I also thought of some of my family’s recipes that aligned to the nutritional guidelines found in the booked. Like calabasitas, my family makes a vegetarian version, I requested it without cheese to make it a vegan version as suggested in the book.

Rectangular Vase I used to this vase to organize teas (details found in the book). I separated the teas with index cards, on which I wrote ingredients to add to the teas. Bonus – I have also used it to create shallow flower arrangements for dinner parties and holidays since.

Boppy Best Latch Nursing Pillow This protects your incision and brings your baby closer to you while feeding, putting less strain on your back. I have used the original Boppy that does not have a back as well as the My Best Friend brand, this one is my favorite. It also accommodates those of us who are plus-size.

Hot tip – bring this to the hospital with you. If you have had a spinal block, it could take 24 hours to start feeling those back muscles again and any strain you’ve put on working the breast feed in those first 24 hours will show. This will minimize that.

Nettle Leaf Tea A suggestion from the book, Nettle leaf tea helps with healthy digestion, a big help as your body is in recovery.

Bengal Spice Tea I love this tea with a scoop of canned coconut milk and honey or maple syrup for sweetness. It isn’t one of the teas advised in the book, but it is a delicious, caffeine free treat with good vegan fat from the coconut milk.

Raspberry Leaf Tea You may be familiar with this tea from pregnancy but raspberry also helps your uterus heal after labor or surgery.

Kate Spade Brushed Jersey Pajamas Physical comfort is a big deal during recovery and any time you . These Kate Spade pajamas are very soft, while also being light weight.

Sunbeam Heating Pads Use on your back and at your feet at bedtime. I loved this large one for my back and feet when laying down for the night. And I loved the back and shoulders version for my sore back when I was sitting up in the living room.

Bath Supplies As soon as your doctor clears you to submerge yourself in water, try to make a habit of taking a bath. If the idea of a bath makes you think of floating in your own filth, take a quick shower before hoping in. My must haves are epsom salts, good sponges and battery operated candles (with a remote so you don’t have to reach accross the tub to turn them off after your toweled off).

Stay tuned next week for tips on surviving the early weeks before sleep training.